Giving honest feedback isn’t easy
Have you ever been asked to give honest feedback to someone you work with? Not necessarily your boss or someone who you manage, but someone you work closely with as a team-mate or a colleague…. How did you feel? Were you pleased that they asked? Did you have lots of great feedback for them? Or did you feel uncomfortable and taken a bit aback about the whole thing?
If you’re anything like most of us, it was probably uncomfortable and awkward. It’s hard enough to give positive feedback about what went well, never mind what didn’t go so well.
But think about it: if you could give your work-mate great feedback, it could motivate her, support her development and make you look really good!
So how do you give great, honest feedback, effectively and without harming those important working relationships you have with your colleagues?
In this video, I’ll talk about
- Preparing to give feedback: get your mindset and behaviours right
- The feedback conversation: making it a two way thing
- Does the ‘feedback sandwich’ really work?
- Hints and tips for great feedback conversations in the future
1. Get you mindset and your examples together
Picture the scene at the water cooler…
Joe stops Jane and says ‘Can you give me some feedback about my work on the Acme Roller Skates project?’.
Now if Jane ‘s not ready for this, she may be a bit hesitant. What can she do in this situation?
Well, the easiest thing is for Jane to say: ‘Yes, I’d love to give you some feedback, but can you give me a bit of time to think about it, so I can really make the feedback useful for you?’ Of course Joe is going to agree. Jane should then say ‘I’ll get back to you by this time tomorrow’.
So what has Jane done so far that is headed in the right direction, and that will make her feedback really helpful to Joe?
Well, she’s responded positively to Joe’s request, so that’s good.
Then, she’s given herself some thinking time, and also time to get her mindset in the right place. Imagine if she had tried to answer immediately…she would have given only feedback about what was the most recent of her thoughts about the project. Maybe her own experience of the project had been tainted, or maybe she had missed the train and had got late into work, so wasn’t feeling too happy right at that moment!
Write it all down
Writing clarifies our thoughts (that’s why we recommend journals for learning and development) and helps us remember.
2. Make it a two way conversation
In her book, Let’s Talk, by Dr Therese Huston, there some great advice on how to make feedback easier – by having a two way conversation. Her main point is that if you only give feedback, the person will be defensive and not prepared to listen. That is, if they feel it’s being done to them. If it’s a two way conversation – and truly, not just pretending you’re listening – the effect can be powerful. It can also make it a lot easier to give feedback to your colleagues, and build your working relationship with them, rather than knocking it back. It also makes it easier for you give some honest feedback, and easier for them to receive it.
Here are some great tips from the book
- Say your good intentions out loud at the beginning of the conversation. Why are we having this conversation? I want you to succeed and to achieve your goals, and I will do what I can to help you achieve them. Especially if you’re not their boss, but a team mate (or even if you’re giving the feedback to your boss!). By doing this, it’s a lot easier to give your colleague really honest feedback.
- Ask them first what they think, what’s good and what’s not, then listen. They are more likely to take in what you say if you do the same! As Dr Huston says ‘Ask More, Tell Less’.
- As I’ve said before, it’s important to recognise their strengths and acknowledge them – not a in a false, icky way, but honestly and with examples.
If you use these little techniques, it will help keep the conversation on an equal basis.
3. Does the feedback sandwich really work?
Researcher Leslie John at Harvard asked adults to draw a picture of a bear!
The least successful feedback in the opinion of the feedback receivers, was where the negative feedback was first. The receivers felt like the overall conversation had been unhelpful.
When the feedback giver started with positive feedback, this was seen as helpful and affirming. The feedback receiver felt like the giver was on their side, and so paid more attention to the negative feedback that followed.
Following negative with positive didn’t make much difference, so start with praise…leading with praise. you see me as having potential that’s a good thing.
So a feedback sandwich works well, because you always start with the positive feedback. Using it means it’s easier to give honest feedback about performance and behaviours.
4. Offer suggestions for development
It’s a good idea to have some practical ideas to offer for things that your colleague can do to develop the skills you’ve been talking about. It’s another way of making it a two-way conversation.
5. Praise or criticise the behaviour you have seen, not the person
To give honest feedback, don’t criticise (or praise) the person. Talk about the specific behaviour you have seen, how it made you feel and what you think the effect was – positive or negative. Your feedback will be more balanced and useful this way. For example, ‘when you ran your presentation, you made eye contact with everyone in the audience as you spoke. This worked very well because it really engaged everyone’. And ‘when you presented, I noticed that you sometimes stayed focused on your notes, rather than the audience. It would be great if you could connect more with them – your content was so useful and well researched.
What about 360 Degree Feedback?
By the way, all these tips apply if you’re asked to give honest written feedback, either by email, or as part of a 360 feedback, which is a more formal and structured type of feedback.
